Seulement's Wish

Seulement is nothing more than a curse.
Wishing for death and live a great life.
So, congratulate me if ever die before 30years old.
For I never wanted to live too long.
A short and wonderful will do. Ok, the wonderful part is over.
Time to get real.

All my years of living, I never felt connected to anyone 'til I met Eliza
which crushed me to ashes when I no longer exist in her realm.
Nevertheless that it was a great year for me when I was with her.
Truthfully, it was my first time falling in love despite
I used to have so called lovers. Karma is indeed a bitch.

I just wish I was better at handling my own persona at those time.
Guess, when you are in love, you going to do stupid things is true.
The only thing I ever regret was confessing my feelings, then
I would never hurt her feelings eh. Then again, I've got to thank her if not
"tak mungkin aku pernah jatuh cinta jika bukan karena dia".

Struggling but I still suffer
and I'm too tired to pretend that I'm all ok.
But there isn't a single day that I can stand on my two feet
I don't even have hope anymore, I can't even see the future nor looking forward
for anything. Even tomorrow is a new year, I don't even care for it.
Now, I'm resorting to a mask to conceal my own self
from ever revealing how fragile I am.
Soon, I will be perfecting the mask of lies.
With the help of my eyes, I will fortify my mask.
I won't be afraid reading them anymore
I won't looking down unless I have to
I will see through them liars.

What is my true color?
For once I'm did a bad thing..
Forever I am being label for that.
I don't really care what they think of me now
after all no matter what I did, no one will ever remember what I did for them
I'm nothing more than a substitute
So, I might possibly going to be the best substitute in the future.

The meaning of true friendship no longer exist
Even a friendship bond is burnt down right in front of them
None of us would ever try to jump in save it.
Guess all of us is afraid and want to live in a world of oblivion.
No one is actually care if any of us is dying
None of us wanted to comfort them
We just want to be with those covered in rainbows
Friendship only exist when it is happy.

Before I forget,
Words no longer have meanings
They're just words. No more than that.
People now simply said them without ever mean them to be true at all.
They only said it for the sake of the context.
But not from their heart.
So, promise is nothing more than just words.
There are no more meanings behind them anymore.
As bitter I make it sound, its true.

Now for You,
Forgives me
For I no longer have faith in you
Maybe one day I will find my way back
or maybe I don't
But I won't stop searching my nirvana
If the time come and You feel like throwing me to the pit of doom
So be it.

This my last post
I won't write anything more on this blog
For it gives me bittersweet memories

well,
Thank you for reading the crap I've been writing about how fucked human are and how fucked my life is. Then again cheers!

Happy new year
and hope ladies and gent out there
have a great life.
and those pain in the ass,
you will pay!

Goodbye, See you
Adieu Au revoir
Sayonara, Ja'ne
Cheerio!
ciao.

p/s: if the world ever going to end, or there is going a war to break or any shitty armageddon coming towards our way. Help me find what I want.