Seulement's Wish

2009-12-31T04:29:00.003+08:00

Seulement is nothing more than a curse.
Wishing for death and live a great life.
So, congratulate me if ever die before 30years old.
For I never wanted to live too long.
A short and wonderful will do. Ok, the wonderful part is over.
Time to get real.

All my years of living, I never felt connected to anyone 'til I met Eliza
which crushed me to ashes when I no longer exist in her realm.
Nevertheless that it was a great year for me when I was with her.
Truthfully, it was my first time falling in love despite
I used to have so called lovers. Karma is indeed a bitch.

I just wish I was better at handling my own persona at those time.
Guess, when you are in love, you going to do stupid things is true.
The only thing I ever regret was confessing my feelings, then
I would never hurt her feelings eh. Then again, I've got to thank her if not
"tak mungkin aku pernah jatuh cinta jika bukan karena dia".

Struggling but I still suffer
and I'm too tired to pretend that I'm all ok.
But there isn't a single day that I can stand on my two feet
I don't even have hope anymore, I can't even see the future nor looking forward
for anything. Even tomorrow is a new year, I don't even care for it.
Now, I'm resorting to a mask to conceal my own self
from ever revealing how fragile I am.
Soon, I will be perfecting the mask of lies.
With the help of my eyes, I will fortify my mask.
I won't be afraid reading them anymore
I won't looking down unless I have to
I will see through them liars.

What is my true color?
For once I'm did a bad thing..
Forever I am being label for that.
I don't really care what they think of me now
after all no matter what I did, no one will ever remember what I did for them
I'm nothing more than a substitute
So, I might possibly going to be the best substitute in the future.

The meaning of true friendship no longer exist
Even a friendship bond is burnt down right in front of them
None of us would ever try to jump in save it.
Guess all of us is afraid and want to live in a world of oblivion.
No one is actually care if any of us is dying
None of us wanted to comfort them
We just want to be with those covered in rainbows
Friendship only exist when it is happy.

Before I forget,
Words no longer have meanings
They're just words. No more than that.
People now simply said them without ever mean them to be true at all.
They only said it for the sake of the context.
But not from their heart.
So, promise is nothing more than just words.
There are no more meanings behind them anymore.
As bitter I make it sound, its true.

Now for You,
Forgives me
For I no longer have faith in you
Maybe one day I will find my way back
or maybe I don't
But I won't stop searching my nirvana
If the time come and You feel like throwing me to the pit of doom
So be it.

This my last post
I won't write anything more on this blog
For it gives me bittersweet memories

well,
Thank you for reading the crap I've been writing about how fucked human are and how fucked my life is. Then again cheers!

Happy new year
and hope ladies and gent out there
have a great life.
and those pain in the ass,
you will pay!

Goodbye, See you
Adieu Au revoir
Sayonara, Ja'ne
Cheerio!
ciao.

p/s: if the world ever going to end, or there is going a war to break or any shitty armageddon coming towards our way. Help me find what I want.

Ghost

2009-12-09T05:35:00.003+08:00

Nothing more than an illusion
Delusion of dream
Wanting to be hold
To be real and exist
But I am nothing more
than just a distant memory
Walking past through you
and you don't see me
I'm just a ghost
Shadow cloaking over yours
No amends can be done
Regret is all should it be
This life
It wont last that long
Being nonexistent
is something I wish it could be erase

That kind of a guy(1st draft)

2009-11-25T19:20:00.003+08:00

There is a specific characters that I hate to see in a person.

Let me list some that I can..
A person who is uber selfish of what he wants
and did not care of others.
Who could understand things yet not able to accepts the way they are.
A person who can't divide his time with the people around him
A person who runaway from his problem
A person who is full of hatred

weak weak and fucking weak!
Yea you said you dream of becoming that but you are not
you fucking sore loser!
Pathetic I might add.
Oh Lucille oh Lucille
how long you gonna stuck being this kind of a guy?
Who are you?!
Since fucking when you become this person you hate since you were fucking 10
FUCKING 10!
10 years later, you are perfect becoming the person you hate your entire life.
Is this how you want to claim back your true name?
Prince my ass..
I'm nothing more than a terrorist of my own heart.
Your regret killing you!
You gave up on too many things
Your life was the first thing you gave up
Then you gave up your own identity
You even gave up your sanity which give you heavy toll that make you see things that you shouldn't!
You even gave up on the person who taught you to be light, Ivy.
Where did she end up now?
You can lie all you want but we both know what really happen.
That you been trying to love her by lying.
and slowly you become THIS
Are you happy destroying people's peace all this years?
Karma is a bitch.
Now you pay.
You hurt the person that you love.
You hate your own blood
You can't even think straight no more.
Now you regret and regret.
You want to change?
Ridiculous I say!
You are too good at being THIS..
Isn't the pain is delightful now?

Because I want it to be last.

2009-11-07T17:59:00.003+08:00

There was a person
who keep telling me
that nothing ever last forever..
everything..
good or bad
they are not meant to be together
The person was no other than my own self
and those were the words that I used to tell everyone
for a quite long time..
the words were "nothing ever last, everything will be broken sooner or later"
Those the words I used to carry with me..
Thinking that having those in mind makes life much simpler..
Oh, I was so wrong.

Because I want it to be last.

Untitle

2009-10-29T00:48:00.003+08:00

I wish there is a way I could stop my addiction..

Worry

2009-10-20T19:57:00.002+08:00

Worrying a lot of things
and I knew, I don't have the responsibility
to any of it..
Guilt kicks in.. I pray everything will be ok.

Whatever

2009-10-14T02:34:00.002+08:00

You know what I hate the most?
People who pretending to care
People pretending that they are there
People who says few words and think they have done enough
One of them is me.

Hope was always my enemy.
To think of it, I was betrayed by a girl with the name of Hope before.
So don't come around me and start giving me false hope.

Future,
I'm looking forward to meet you.
Well, you are going to be my great escape.
A plan B escape is more likely.
I'm broken man and only she have the glue but I messed that up that too.
Yeap, I'm the most lucky guy in the world with a big BUT.
What is the BUT? I'm a total idiot who always mess things up.
Maybe she was right, I wasn't suppose to exist in this world.
Then maybe I won't betray anyone's trust and seeing myself break the one I love's heart.
Well, that is why I'm looking forward for the future
but this time, I'm running towards it alone.
with a torchlight maybe

Sasha is her name.

2009-10-13T12:11:00.002+08:00

I'm going to move on
and I will try my best for it.
One thing for sure is, I will always love her
and the memories will always stays with me.
Sasha is her name.
If you get what what I mean.
I don't feel like write her real name here.
So I will replace it with Sasha instead.

I wish

2009-10-12T06:22:00.004+08:00

It's 6 in the morning now,
And I've been thinking a lot.
I could never sleep like any normal people do.
I have tons to write.. somehow I can't
I'll try though..
I wish, I won't spending sleepless night alone.
It sucks...

To tell the truth, I'm tired of acting tough all the time.
Then it struck me after someone gave me this
"The consequences of acting tough:YOU HAVE NOBODY'S SHOULDER TO CRY ON"
Again, it sucks if anybody able to be in my shoes right now.

Heart

2009-10-05T04:55:00.003+08:00

It was so painful
as if somebody was grabbing my heart tightly
I can't breath
Roll on the floor and struggle with the pain
drives me crazy.
I clenched my fist so tightly till my nails was press so hard to my own skin that it leave marks.
Hell, I can describe the things I go through few hours ago and I can bet no one know how it really feels like.

Hey you up there,
Are you enjoying to see me suffer?
I'm tired of being tortured
and wait to die.
Do me a favor, kill me now.

Family

2009-10-05T01:10:00.000+08:00

Suicide

2009-09-23T00:27:00.002+08:00

A heart that's full up like a landfill,
a job that slowly kills you,
bruises that won't heal.
You look so tired-unhappy,
bring down the government,
they don't, they don't speak for us.
I'll take a quiet life,
a handshake of carbon monoxide,

with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
Silence, silence.

This is my final fit,
my final bellyache,

with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises please.

Such a pretty house
and such a pretty garden.

No alarms and no surprises (get me outta here),
no alarms and no surprises (get me outta here),
no alarms and no surprises, please.

Song by Radiohead. Radiohead - No Surprises

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
All I could imagine while listening to this song is that...
I imagined I'm stuck in a room filled with poisonous gas
with myself flashback the things I've done in my life kinda thing..
The things I wish I could've change when I had the chance..
Oh well.. Salute Radiohead

Just another meaningless celebration

2009-09-19T19:34:00.002+08:00

Raya is something I don't look forward to
Its more like it doesn't exist in my life.
Just another meaningless celebration
It just pisses me off more since
all this family gathering crap are just hypocrisy and lies linger in the air
I'm tired putting a smile on this mask of mine.
Going back to "kampung" is one thing I never want it at all.
Seeing those nazis trying to dictate the way I live and judging me for who I am
is something I can't accept no matter they are my flesh and blood or not.
Since I'm back to be Seul, I might as well enjoy my solitude
While the rest of people having fun see their relative, gone for holidays or anything..
I just want to sleep on this day rather than being so spiteful to everyone.

When the day comes.. If..

2009-09-11T22:29:00.002+08:00

If the day comes..
The day I really lost my mind..
Don't resent me if I can't remember who you are
Don't patronize me ever
Don't pity me
Just remember who I was..

Slowly, I can feel I've gone crazy a little bit.
Even a friend of mine told me I've been talking by myself
Sometimes I don't know what is real or what is not..
Oh well... don't think I have anything to lose now for real

God..

2009-09-09T23:33:00.001+08:00

Grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change,
courage to change things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference..

Lucille I knew was annoying but cheerful bastard.
Go Go!

Tristan Reveur

2009-09-06T05:16:00.002+08:00

Want to know who is Tristan Reveur? Go watch movie STAY.

Tonight it rains like the time I skidded my car near Bangsar/Midvalley.
I drove slowly back and park my car at the place I used to sit and watch the view of Puchong Bandar Puteri.

So, I sat there and I didn't know how long it was..
The rain drenched me..
While my eyes wanders looking for the moon in the cloudy sky..
Looking at houses below, watching the rain soaking the streets..
I feel sad for I'm witnessing the scene..
It was cold yet I never felt so relieve being under this rain..
I was smiling yet and some part of me died..

Give up? Never

2009-09-05T05:19:00.002+08:00

I've fallen hard when I was running forward and
I am now left behind.
Going to stand up and keep running
Taking my own time and pace
To catch up with the One
I wanted to run with.
So there is no way for me giving up now.
For I already waited and finally found what I want.
My slice of heaven.
It is hard to keep on running
but it is not going to stop me
So wait up! I'm going to catch up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Have faith and belief.
Keep it strong always.

Keep my mind off things

2009-09-01T10:58:00.002+08:00

I jog during my puasa time, I just kept running so I don't think so much..
I kept writing in my little green book of mine every night so I can put my thoughts in it so I can sleep at night..
I go out with friends just to get the big space surround me to be smaller
I read comic and watch dvds for the sake to occupy my mind
I play games in the middle of night to keep the silent away
I need more things to do..
Yet I know, I can do anything in my life now..
The loneliness is growing bigger and bigger...

A lost taxi driver

2009-08-30T16:58:00.004+08:00

There is a taxi driver
Who I met few days ago
He knows every road to lead
his customer destination

Except one road
He doesn't know how
to lead back to his home
For his home left from his heart

Wandering the city endlessly
Without a home to go back to
He just keep doing what he do best
What he didn't know is...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright, time to stop being of all that..
What I need now is time to heal.
Then, find that the light I've lost
Couldn't believe that I fell so deep to the darkness
due to my hatred.
So let's do it.
Keep standing and find my way back.

Vulnerable

2009-08-27T00:26:00.003+08:00

I'm so vulnerable right now..
I'm collapsing...
I lost my precious person in my life..
Cos of my issues..
and it was my damn fucking issues that cost my relationship
and now the issues happen and im all alone..
The person I can depend on isn't there now
I never felt so.. weak..
I can't take this anymore..
I dun even feel like fucking writing metaphors now..
and I'm on the edge of begging back my old mask..

fucking seulement!

The sands in my hand...

2009-08-22T21:53:00.004+08:00

The sands in my hand
Stays intact within my gently grasp
I was scared to let go any of the sand
and end up grasp it too tightly.
The sands escape more freely between my fingers
When I hold it tightly..

My insecurity and fear that I will lose the sands within my hand
Has cause me a great deal of lost
When I should always have faith and believe
that the sands will stays within my grasp
without actually trying to hard.
I wonder where did I lost that confidence of mine..
I create fear and planted them within my mind evidently..
It slowly poisoned my mind
and slowly forgot what was my intention in the beginning..
The reasons I hold the sands in my hand was pushed away behind my head..

Now, I've lost the hold of it..
Regretted so much that I started to hate my own self
The pain of losing of something I hold so dearly
was so indescribable..
It takes a toll to myself..
What hurts me more is that I hurt the sands by clenching my fist too tightly..
I couldn't imagine how the sands losing its form for my own carelessness...

I desperately try to gather it back
Without actually giving space
and being impatiently to fix everything back
Consequences are going be bound in for everything I did..

Now, I'm taking my time healing my wounds from holding it too tightly..
Searching for my confidence back and alter the person I am now to the person I was..
I would never give up... never... I will get the sands back in one piece again
Like the way it was...
Before I do those.. My own self need to find my own missing pieces that cause
The insecure, the fear and act of foolishness that cant be apprehend..

I'm sorry..

Again

2009-07-07T04:55:00.002+08:00

This song is quite awesome.. taken from a currently hit Anime in Japan now,
Full Metal Alchemist : Brotherhood.
I always like the first FMA, I hope the new version which they said are closely related to the manga is good like the first unlike the previous FMA.

The opening song is GOOD!

Yui - Again (the same for Bleach 1st season song if I'm not mistaken)

English Translation

I am supposed to pursue my dream
in this narrow winding road, stuttering in the crowds of people

It's not that I want to return to that past,
I am just searching for the sky I have lost.
I hope you understand.
Don't show the sad face as if you have been sacrificed.

Tears do not end a sin. We have to carry it with us through
in this maze of feelings with no ends in sight.
Who am I waiting for?
As scribbled on the blank note, I want to be more honest.
What do I want to escape from?
Is it this thing called "reality"?

"For what am I living?"
In the middle of the night as my memories are fading.
I can't play safe anymore,
but there is nowhere to go too.
There's still so much in life to remove this feeling.
I will feel nostalgic about it.
I welcome this pain.

I have to apologize for this. Ah, I'm sorry.
I can't say it well. I'm just causing worries.

Everything that I embraced that day.
Everything that I will embrace tomorrow
I will not arrange them in any order.
I hope you understand. I closed my eyes
but I could still see things I do not want to see.

Unnecessary rumors that I hear for the first time, so what?
"Face it and you will be friends"
Don't tell lies like these.
My heart being agitated from deep inside,
a burning sensation runs through my body.
Actually I'm expecting something
from this thing called "reality".

"For what am I living?"
I want to shout it out loud. Can you hear me?
I can't play safe anymore,
but there is nowhere to go too.
I am grateful for all the kindness,
so I want to become stronger to march on.
I do welcome friends and foes.

How do I open the next door? I'm thinking.
The unretractable story has begun.
Open your eyes. Open your eyes.

There is still so much in life to remove this feeling.
I want to start all over again so that I can complete what I haven't done.
Shall we go AGAIN?

"For what am I living?"
I want to shout it out loud. Can you hear me?
I can't play safe anymore,
but there is nowhere to go too.
I am grateful for all the kindness,
so I want to become stronger. I feel the nostalgia.
I welcome this pain.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Japanese

yume no tsuzuki oi kakete ita hazuna no ni
magari kunetta komai michi hito ni tsumazuku
ano goro mitai nitte modoritai wake janai no
naku shitekita sora o sagashiteru
wakatte kuremasu you ni
gisei ni natta you na kanashii kao hayamete yo

tsumi no saigo wa namida janai yo zutto kurushiku seottekunda
deguchi mienai kanjou me iro ni dare o matteru no?
shiroi nooto ni totta you ni motto sunao ni hakidashitai yo
nanika ra nogare tainda
genjitsutte yatsu

kanaeru tame ni ikiterun datte
wasurecha isou na yoru no mannaka
bunan ninante yatterarenaikara
kaeru basho mo nai no
kono omoi o keshite shimau ni wa mada jinsei nagai desho
natsukashi kunaru konna itami mo kangei jan

ayamara nakucha ikenai yo ne aa gomen ne
umaku ienakute shinpai kaketa mama datta ne
ano nichi dae ta zenbu ashita dae ru zenbu junban tsuketari hashinai kara
wakatte kuremasu you ni
sotto me o tojitanda mitakunai mono made miendamon

iranai uwasa ni chotto hajimete kiku hatsugen docchi
mukai atta ra tomodachi datte uso hayamete ne
akai haato ga iradatsu you ni karada no naka moete irunda
hontou ha kitaishi teru no
genjitsu tteyatsu

kanae rutameni iki teirundatte
sakebi takunaruyo kikoete imasuka
bunan ninante yatterarenai kara
kaeru basho mo nai no
yasashisa ni wa itsumo kansha shiteru
dakara tsuyoku naritai (I’m on the way)
susumu tame ni teki mo mikata mo kangeijan

dou yatte tsugi no doa hirakerun dakke kangaeteru
mou biki kaese nai monogatari hajimatterunda
me o samase me o samase

kono omoi o keshiteshimau ni wa mada jinsei nagai desho?
yari no koshiteru koto yari na oshite mitai kara
mou ichido yukou

kanae rutameni iki terundatte
sakebi takunaruyo kiko eteimasuka
bunan ninante yatterarenai kara
kaeru basho mo nai no
yasashisani wa itsumo kansha shiteru
dakara tsuyoku naritai (I’m on the way)
natsukashiku naru konna itami mo kangei jan

Yeap, the lyric kinda edgy~

Woooooooot Painals!

2009-07-06T01:02:00.002+08:00

Painals! Stardee four painals! woooot~

Light bearer who betrays the God

2009-06-23T02:29:00.003+08:00

Nobody is perfect..
There is no such thing as good or bad..
It is a balance harmony..
Even though my name bear the meaning of light..
I am still the horrifying darkness..
Overly consumed by two of my seven sins..
Greed and wrath have taken the best of me..
I can't no longer bring peace within me..
The balance disrupted..
Another yet pit of darkness trying taking me back..
Again, I must fight it and be better from being devoured..
Challenge that I can't simply refuse for the sake of other part of me..
Even I walk on the path of Asura and once a white demon..
I used to dreamed of be what I really want instead of become of my nature..
Now I do not know what to believe...

gate of sins..

2009-06-21T12:57:00.003+08:00

There is a gate that can't be open at any cause..
And I opened it.
Once it was opened, sins came out of it.
Here I am thinking whether should I regret it.
If I never opened it, I would never accumulating sins..
But I would be in misery on my own..

going downhill.. for I've sinned again..

What kind of person I am now..

Nirvana...

2009-05-31T23:51:00.003+08:00

Redang was good! but the REDANG HOLIDAY RESORT WAS NOT

Friendship.. is bullshit sometimes

2009-05-25T02:54:00.002+08:00

It is.. which I don't mind ditch bullshit kind of friendship.. which is super wild out there..

The usuals, some up and down, some side of here and there

2009-05-14T00:40:00.002+08:00

Whenever people ask me "how are you, hows life?"
My answers for them will mostly be this "The usual, some up and down, some side of here and there"

It seems to be the most practical thing to answer to them.

The usual because I do go through stages of happiness and some unhappiness event in my life. Could never avoid any of it.

Do feel happy nowadays but there are always things that make me upset equally as my happiness. It frustrates me.

For my 4WD project, I get over excited after I bought my stuff and upset a lot after to learned that I can't use any of it on the place I'm going to play. So much of waste for my money. Have to re-spend to get original parts to able to play officially and join the competition to be fair. It give me tons of heartache and i really don't want to quit this hobby since I spend a lot. So I really must learn to tune and upgrade my 4WD car. Then race it to perfection! I named this project, PROJECT JULIET since I named my new orange chassis, Juliet Dee. Maybe cos of old band called themselves Juliet the Orange. Hope to have time to join the race in June. Wish me luck!

For my family.. It is up and down too.. at one point I'm good and then right after that its not.. Damn malas to talk about it.

For my relationship, it goes the same too.. up and down. but whenever I'm upset or unhappy, I just say what need to be said and shut up. Won't say no more since it is pointless for me if its not going to change anything and its going to upset me more. I just hope we work better for next time instead of repeating it. Period.

other than that.. studies and shits..

This ain't a scene, it's just luci making his way

2009-05-05T23:55:00.002+08:00

I'm back from long exhausting trip from south to north back to south and back to north and finally back to south..

Hardly have time to spend with my other half which kinda frustrated me.

From 25th to 30th of April, I went to Ipoh..
Came back to puchong on 30th and kinda exhausted and then on 1st May till 3rd of May, a trip to Penang.
I never consider any of this trips as holidays cause I hardly enjoy it and it superbly tiring.. hardly get any good sleep.

urgh, not enough holidays! cos of this.. i abit hot-headed sometimes.. grr grr

I want to

2009-04-20T03:26:00.003+08:00

but i have no idea what is it..

Oasis - The Masterplan

2009-04-15T19:26:00.005+08:00

For those been stopping by at my blog.. I recommend you guys to listen to
Oasis - The Masterplan

Well, Oasis always have been my greatest favourite band since I was in high-school..
The meaning of the song that I recommended can be vary depends on the individual.
This song reveal some of myself for now.. so download it and enjoy.

--------------------------------------------------
Take the time to make some sense
Of what you want to say
And cast your words away upon the waves
Sail them home with acquiesce
On a ship of hope today
And as they land upon the shore
Tell them not to fear no more
Say it loud and sing it proud
Today...

And then dance if you want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know they're gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we don't know --
How it's gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand won't make us understand
We're all part of the masterplan

Say it loud and sing it proud
Today...
I'm not saying right is wrong
It's up to us to make
The best of all the things that come our way
Coz everything that's been has past
The answer's in the looking glass
There's four and twenty million doors
On life's endless corridor
Say it loud and sing it proud
And they...

Will dance if they want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know they're gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we don't know --
How it's gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand won't make you understand
Why we're all part of the masterplan

Oasis - The Masterplan

Aku hanyala... & buhsan

2009-04-14T02:16:00.002+08:00

Aku hanyalah manusia biasa..
Seorang manusia dengan kuasa seorang raja
Dan aku gelak ketawa HA HA HA!

YEAH! AKU SANGAT BUHSAN!
Buhsan teramat amat la buhsan
sehingga menulis buhsan amat la menarik
kerana aku sungguh amat buhsan
tetapi buhsan punya pasal aku tulis
buhsan banyak punya kali buhsan
sampai aku punya kepala sudah buhsan
dengan perkataan buhsan
boleh kata buhsan ini boleh bunuh seorang manusia
yang sedang buhsan kerana buhsan tidak membuat apa
gila buhsan tau tak buhsan gaban nya buhsan gampang buhsan
wowowo buhsan tahap naga gigit seekor kucing sedang nak berlepas
gila la apa aku buhsan merepek ni
buhsan sial sampai tak betul dia buat aku gila buhsan sial
berhentilah jari ku menulis buhsan, oi berhenti la sial,
dah buhsan dibuatnya la, ngok BUHSAN!

Buhsan dek anak Ali Khan Bohsan

Gila!

AMARAN JANGAN BACA... takpela.. korang dah baca pun.. dah terlambat..
nasi dah jadi tahi.. sebab aku dah makan sebelum dia jadi bubur la bodo..
wahahaha~
Kau la gila.. kau yang baca.. hahaha, pukul kang!

K, enuff of your nutcase rant.. ciao~

Final countdown

2009-04-11T22:10:00.001+08:00

Final exams is just a few days away..
But I dun feel like studying at all..
Can I just lying on my bed and dream?

Guess not..

If I have a pet..

2009-04-11T03:51:00.002+08:00

If I have a pet.. it would be..
erm..
wait..
oh!
no..
yes!!
no..
aha!
it would be totally a Godzilla!
And name it Sushi.. Sushi the Godzilla..
Then it would be a perfect plan for me to take over the world, muwahahaha~
People are gonna shout, "OMG SUSHI IS HERE!! RUN!!!" when there see my godzilla walking around.. hohoho~
Imagine my godzilla can do roll-over while destroying a city.. awww, ain't that cute?
I would be crying in happiness if that ever happen..

Exhausted

2009-04-10T00:47:00.002+08:00

I guess when I'm tired
I can be pretty quiet
All my tolerance on nonsense and annoyance
Has greatly reduce too..
My palm kinda "ringan" now

Haih, ada je budak budak sial
suka cari pasal
Penerajang kang
Menangis tak pasal pasal
Lalu ugut aku nak panggil mak..
Ah, ingat aku takut?
Aish, budak budak sial..

Wo Si Huan Ni

2009-04-05T15:04:00.000+08:00

Those words you wrote for me..
was very meaningful..
Thank you, dear

Cry and let die, Fuck you

2009-03-27T04:49:00.003+08:00

I felt like screaming.. felt like crying
It hurts and it hurts
But the pain never was an issue
Cause I never regret of what I have now.

Why the fuck do You have to inflict pain and regrets to others?!
What the fuck is our existence?!
Letting us to suffer and tormenting ourselves for what!
I'm pissed, I really am.

Making me to go through fucking a lot sort of shits,
I don't fucking mind about it,
but making people around me to feel sorry for themselves?
WHAT THE FUCK?!

You think its funny?
I'm not gonna back down.
I am here to get back my fucking throne
ah, why the hell am I blaming you...

Its my own kind that need to be blame..
the same dna and blood that running through my vein
Maybe that is why am I furious..
for we are all the same mindless beast..

I will always hate and hate my own race
except for few and love one.
This stupid thoughts making me hate my own self..
For I will never be any different from them..

I wont such a thing ruined my future

Hunt you down

2009-03-24T16:58:00.003+08:00

Somebody somewhere is playing a fool around
Painting graffiti
Tainting my wall of pride
and I will
Hunt that person down

Is it worth it?

2009-03-23T23:02:00.002+08:00

nothing in this world that is worth having comes easy..

then again.. it is possible that all the trouble that you've been through will bring you down at the end of the road

Thoughts of a running murderer

2009-03-19T10:46:00.004+08:00

I kept thinking what if one day I killed someone
Not accidentally but intentionally
I kept asking myself will it be worth it?
I might experienced pleasure from it
And will I continue kill after that?
I don't know.

How my life will be like after murdering a man
Running away for being wanted
What would happen to the friends I had
Will they help me or hand me over to the authority?
Paranoia paranoid, who could I trust?
How am I going to survive eventhough I never get caught..

The entire future ruined for such simple sin deed for a pleasure
To kill a man
To be chased by many
To be hated by my own loves one
To never have much fun again
To miss my own bed
For I will be running for murdering a man..

To murder a man
A man that would be me.

-Seulement-

I've been thinking about life and death lately..
And I have thoughts of a running convict with suicide.
A man who is wanted for murdering himself, classic irony.

Owh yeah before I forget..

I'm a fool
for going to ruin my own life
I got the feeling that I will
and I can't stop myself from it
because it will the only way to be free
from this entangle of sweet misery within me.
I'm a fool
Yet, I am prepared for it

EXCITED GILE!

2009-03-17T18:08:00.004+08:00

SUNBURST WUHUU!!! CAN'T WAIT!!!

naaah, not excited at all.
I think I was more excited for Jason Mraz.

Just got a feeling that this year sunburst was kinda over commercialized..
Kalau awesome gempak tahap gaban takpe gak... ishk..

High School

2009-03-16T06:05:00.002+08:00

I miss my high school years
I read back my old cheesy small letters I've been collected
when I was form 1..
Damn, I miss those time even though I don't like the girl I used to date at that time
While going through some of the letters..
I found a lot interesting letter.. some secret admirer.. some advices.. some apologize letter..
The thing is.. those promises we made during those year.. didn't happen..

like the promise a girl made to me in one of the letter
"you are always welcome in my world"

I wonder what she doing now.. swimming in the sea of sabah or sarawak.. not sure..

Smile Luc Smile, this probably not first same title

2009-03-16T02:27:00.003+08:00

Whenever I'm piss at someone
The water is never calm like it should be
Like a freaking big tsunami wiping off human life of the shore
For me, I can't think straight and properly
Come on Luc, they are not worth for you to piss at them
Forgive them instead of wishing them to suffer from your wrath
Cause it is never worth it.
Let the water calm.. let it cool
Don't let the pathetic fool
to stop you from spread your contagious smile
Smile Luc Smile
Jangan memalukan nama kau
Kerana kau adalah cahaya
Apa gunanya jika cahaya sendiri memancarkan kebencian
apabila kau patut memancarkan kebahagiaan
Senyum la kau
Kerana kau adalah Luc.

Yeer... yerlaaa... ishk.

I hate giving myself a prep talk cos I'll laugh at my ownself in the end..
hahahaha...

bodo kaw.

On top

2009-03-15T01:47:00.001+08:00

I like to feel being on top
Heck, I enjoyed and proud of it
But when I fell to the bottom
The feelings never that great

Taking my deep breath

2009-03-13T02:48:00.002+08:00

Everything will be fine
I hope so too
Can't wait till the day I would get my courage
Until then, I shall not worry
Taking my deep breath
For everything will be fine
I am ready.

a wild sheep chase

2009-03-10T03:14:00.003+08:00

what am I chasing now?
will it worth it..
what will happen if i find it..
what is it?

I feel like I need a moleskin notebook..
To note down stuff.. the thing is.. will I write anything in it?

200 posts - In my life

2009-03-07T21:24:00.002+08:00

In my previous rant,
I mentioned how afraid I am to lose friends
So in this post, I want to write that I've lose too many friends that
I very dear of and which makes me don't mind to lose some friends
that I found they are not important at all in my life.

Then again, only those we found them important and meaningful
can only be call as friends.
Our friends that loves to be called as our friends.
And I know I'm a person who never throw the word "friend" around
Well, I'm a proud person and I don't simply want to shine one's life and be
a shadow at the same time.
In a simple word.. I'm special to them.
Not just any ordinary friend you want to spend your time with.
But a person worth sharing your life with.
The joy and sorrow of it.

I know and I do know
I'm a too much of sentimental this few days
There is a reason for it though
Cause I wonder, how I ever ended up here.
Of why do I always bring gloom and doom within me
and also why I always do crazy things and being a total idiot
in front of those I called friends
Maybe I do those so they could open up and let down their guard
and enjoy every bit of their life of being of who they are
I enjoy every moment they laugh and tears
Simple because they are able to be themselves in front of their friends
and me of course.

For gloom and doom,
It all because of my past experience
Of the pain and pleasure I've gone through
I miss those feelings
To be able knowing a lot of amazing people
and also learn things that people like my age would find it hard to understand
Especially when I was still in primary and experienced things an adult should.
Growing up with different people and setting ought to make a person broaden the mind.
Some people do grow up almost with same people but with changing group of friends.
I had those time too, just that the people keep changing plus changing group of friends.
I had my adventures when I was kid, thanks to my bicycle.. I could travel from place to place and knowing the kids from their park and also pick up their culture.
Until today, I still can recalled even though I can't remember their name.
Life were tough back then, it makes me jaded.

I was in and out of love
I've betray and been betrayed
I've lied and been lied to
I kick a lot asses in those days
and I got beat up once after I promised myself to stop get involve in a fight.

Sometimes I do feel unlucky with the things I've gone through
but most of the time I'm glad
Those events teaches me a lot of knowing a stranger well
the quote "can't judge a book by a cover"
I find it untrue for me.. for I really can read a person just by observing
Maybe I knew a lot different type of people
After all, we are almost similar to each other
It tells a lot by how the person walk, talk, body language and even the structure of their face.
The only thing that I want to but I can't read is the eyes
Well until recently I kinda can but without guidance from Ivy.
I could interpret it wrong.
This knowledge sure give me a lot of advantage yet it makes me hard to trust anyone
Sure it helps me to crush their life easily
But I could never have the heart to do it.

However, not everybody would go through things similarly as me.
It hurts me when I realized
I've lost too many people in my life
Especially those gone forever from this world

Could we ever?

2009-03-07T05:30:00.002+08:00

I keep asking myself
If any of us will be together
in the future
friends come and go

For 20 years and few months
I've known many friends
Sweet and bitter
Only few of them survive in this
war we called friendship

We agree and we argue over silly things
And sometimes we ended up breaking each other heart
It always be there in our minds
Regretting the things we do onto each other

Here we are wonder
If you ever wonder about us
Cause I am and miss the friendship we used to have

Am I who I am now because
the friendship we have in those time?
To think of it, if I never lose any friends
I would have thousands of them

Here are the people that I still could remember the name

Amin the guy that used to making stupid jokes when we were standard 1
Irene the gal that way older than me
Amy the Japanese girl that used to carry me around when I was small
Mahathir the dude from my kindergarten and passed away due to horrible accident
Hanan the guy that everybody loves to hang out with including teachers
Amir that always talk things rationally and he was always seems cool
Pak Din the guy that used to cycle on his tricycle and give me a ride to school
Nash the cool prefect guy in my school eventhough were same age
Pretty Farah that makes me nervous every time I saw her
Azrul the guy that always pissed at me yet he still couldnt beat me
Jamal the guy that always use my bat for rounders
Along the cool gangsta dude that I look up upon
Syamil the guy make me into sheila on 7
Chia Yin, the girl I had crush on and I always called her Arimi
Umie Khalsom the pretty girl that I always bumped into
Amelia the girl that asked me help about her bike when she just move to Ipoh, and I miss the time we talk in school.
Ridzuan my first bestfriend

So many people been passing through my life yet I couldnt remember
most of the name
I wonder, if they ever wonder about us.
Friendship was one of the thing I always afraid to lose

The promise we made but never were fully fulfilled
Do we just said it for we believe we would be together forever
Yet we can't even remember our own names.
The moment.

Thank you for the people that have been in my life
Hope we'll meet and be friends again.

If it kills me

2009-03-05T15:13:00.002+08:00

Well, this double life I lead isn’t healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all

All I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me

-If It Kills Me by Jason Mraz-

This song suits me best,
Whatever I'll do, I will be risking it all
Either way there is no win-win solution
There are so much thing that I'm worry about now
With the bad shite around me that makes me in a huge dilemma
Till I got no time to think anything properly

This makes me sad but I got no time for that
Even though I'm sad, I do feel happy too
Dire confuse I am
I think I'm sad for there is a decision need to be made
with the consequences I'm ready to pay for
but I do not want to go there at all
I'm happy for everything that happen despite of the terrible thing around me
There is hope that holding me up.
I guess I'm going to deep
and deeper each day
I wonder if I ever crawl back out even I don't too..
What a mess I'm in.
So tell me..
Is this are all worth the trouble?
I wonder every each day
In every dream I was in
I kept wonder and wonder
To go through all of this
and might end up in a dumpster
I wonder is this worth all the trouble..

and I even sound like pathetic fool
Don't I just hate that?
What an irony I am in.
What a weak flame I am..
Incomplete being..
Come on!

We miss you

2009-03-03T01:08:00.003+08:00

Today, this very date is where it all happen.
Last year on a week before this date,
I was having a terrible dream for almost every time I closed my eyes
Whenever I woke up from that dream, I was soak in sweat and felt really
uncomfortable as there is something troubling me.
My heartache non stop and I was just too awake.
I could snap anyone at that time.
It was at that time too, bad things started to happen around me.
Everything that happen was a poison to my psychological state.
This eyes hurts as the day closing by.
On that day itself, a teardrop flowing down from my eyes

A day after that day,
An unknown number reaching my phone
Behind that call, there was a voice of a girl
It was very depressing tone of her
delivering me the most news that I couldn't bear take it.
I just collapsed.
I wanted to cry but I just can't.

Then she called, she was crying.
I drove to her place to found out the place was a mess.
To see her cry was the painful to watch.
I just sat down on the sofa next to her.
Till she cry herself to sleep,
I went search my cigarette in her room
A cigarette with Ivy's writing on it.
It was written "king's curse"
And I left for home
thinking whether should I smoke that cigarette or should I not.

Few days later,
She called me to go her house and it was emergency
I was worried since tons of bad stuff happen around me
and I thought it got this time.
When I was there, she gave me a box from Ivy
Within the box were a letter and my crystal bracelet which I gave to Jules before she left for good as a memento.
I never wore it once for I'm scared the beads fall off like every bracelet I wore before.
So I bought almost similar bracelet to it.

The letter,
The scent of the letter remind me of her.
It was a fucked up letter.
Cos I knew very well.. everything that I ever believe in was shattered
my dreams turn into dust
my hope was fading away
Entire future of mine turn into crap instantly

Well, for a year I'm working back on it
And I'm done grieving and mourning for you
To say that I'm stronger than last time, not really.
I've grown weaker to think of it.
Exhausted from fighting each day for nothing
Now, I have a hope.
My last hope which I knew well that I would crushed it by my own hands later on

Anyway, we miss you
and its kinda time for us to say goodbye
and put you behind yea know.
Not gonna let you interfere with my life every time
I'm kinda happy the way I am
Then again..
I'm sorry
Here it is,
Goodbye flower girl.

Restraining order

2009-03-02T17:42:00.002+08:00

I'm putting myself a distance from everyone now for awhile
Bad shite been happening around me.
First started with my car skidded badly
and give a helluva trouble to everyone
Mum was admitted to the hospital without me knowing
Oh come on!

The closer to the anniversary.. the shitty it gets..
and I just hope I doesn't lose too much good friends and my soul again like what happen last year.

Tomorrow and Today

2009-02-28T04:16:00.003+08:00

The month of March
Is where it all begins
My depression
The story that I lose the smile
That she put upon on this vessel

A month where I lose everything
my light, my love, my hope, and everything I hold dear
I fell deep into the pit of darkness
When the death deliver the news of it new victim to me
I collapsed, thinking of what left for me to live this life of mine

Bitter, hatred and my agony rise up
as I questioned my own existence
am I here to feel love and lose it?
to know there is a hope to live on and it been crushed instantly
in front of the curse eye of mine

I gave up on everything
I became the man with nothing to lose
I challenged and destroy everything that within my path
I grew strong within the realm of darkness
with the irony that I am the light of my own life.
Though I am the darkness, a demon that embrace the warmth
of the light.

Here I used to wonder,
Is the name Luc was a big joke that was given or was it a test
that was design to make me fail at it miserably?
This curse of being the only one..
The only, a seulement.. a wanderer that carries a huge burden in a casket
Behind the back of mine.

Carving the mask of joker
That forever smile while I'm wearing it
Behind the mask, I was secretly crying
But this tears are now dry

Nearly a year I've been grieving for you
you were the source of my life
Now I'm putting you behind me
Starting to write a new chapter
With you just a memories
Of my distant past that I would miss

Growing up and accepting my responsibilities
I will be the light that you always dream of
No, I must!
Tomorrow and today
I will say goodbye to you soon
Very soon

Seulement's wish II and Otherworld

2009-02-24T21:21:00.003+08:00

I tried to get back my throne and shit storm come hit me madly.
Give me a break.
I ain't giving up yet though.
Is this worth my trouble?
I hope so.

Other world
Me and Nav nearly make a trip to other world. He and I basically skidded while we were driving our car at 12.30am on 24th Feb. YEAP! WE BOTH SKIDDED NEARLY SAME TIME with TOTALLY DIFF PLACE. I skidded after I made a corner and so does he. He was below the flyover while I was on the flyover. He was in Ipoh while I was in Kl.

His head bang to the window while my car bang the bloody divider.I got psychological bruises while he got the physical one.

I know both of us are wingman to each other.. I felt like I'm the Goose while he is the Maverick. Well this is not the first bad thing that happen to us that almost same time or the good thing happen.

Just that things always happen to us at the same time.

Escape

2009-02-21T23:09:00.002+08:00

I felt like escaping from this world
Enter the world of oblivion
With a new name
Start anew or to be reborn
I want you
I want you to follow me
to that world
Escape together

Er hem.. do your work please..

King's throne

2009-02-18T23:26:00.002+08:00

I'm back for my throne
For years I've been running
For years I've been hunted down
For there can't be two kings
I exiled myself for
I wasn't worthy enough
To command and rule the people
To lead them into a new era
Am I now?

King's throne
and the impostor is waiting
for me to return
for me to be slayed by his blade
Not today and never!
For I am here now for my throne
and for my queen

My pride that was tainted by you, impostor
Will pay for it soon,
For taking away my rightfully throne
and my queen of hearts.
By my blade, you will kneel
before the true king of Lucida

For my dying love..

-Seulement the exiled king and the wanderer-

Buat aku tersenyum

2009-02-16T22:02:00.002+08:00

cos i get to eat pizza in a good mood!

Grace

2009-02-15T20:23:00.004+08:00

I think I'm into Jeff Buckley's 1998 album The Sketches(For my sweetheart the drunk).
It is so relaxing and it suits for a night listener like me.

Anyway, as March approaching I'm getting restless.
Getting even more paranoid, getting unusual temper..
The beast screeching to get out of me.
and I am falling deeper by the day it getting closer to March..
Smile like it gonna end my own level of sanity

Sleeping diable starting to open his eyes...

2009-02-15T03:25:00.002+08:00

My left eye is seriously hurts..
It happens whenever my emotion are very unstable.
My heart pumped so hard that it hurts me.
When I met Jules for her unexpected surprise which I thought she wasn't in Malaysia..
She made me worries for I thought it was something urgent. Zen was surprisingly there too since hes the one who drove her.
Jules do know about my eyes.. when I met her, she said.. do you need help? and all I can answer was not worth it. Well, she makes me calm down a lil bit which usually it was quite opposite.. and I'm happy to see her smile like she used to.

Anyway.. someone gotta pay someday.. Stupid asshole trying to bring out my true color.. seriously fucked up. Never ever fucking messed with a fucking stranger stupid fuck.

Damn it, it hurts my own body.. stupid double edge crap..

Bersabar itu baik. Baiklah, aku akan.

Pineapple, you are one fuckup con--artist

2009-02-07T16:46:00.003+08:00

The super duper lame ever line-up. Banyak local untuk apa bodo? when we can just go for free during weekend gig.. The funneh thing is, nobody mentioned we want N.E.R.D.. or Russian Winter...
This ain't so "international music fest"
Disappointing? Bet we are!

INTERNATIONAL

1. N.E.R.D.
2. Russian Winter (Australia)

LOCAL

1. Butterfingers (minus Loque)
2. Hujan
3. Bunkface
4. Estranged
5. Estrella
6. Pesawat
7. They Will Kill Us All
8. The Otherside Orchestra
9. Joe Flizzow
10. Meet Uncle Hussein
11. Malique
12. Gerhana Ska Cinta
13. Dead Mushroom
14. Arabyrd
15. Aseana Percussion Unit
16. Twilight Actiongirl
17. Loops Collective
18. Cosmic Kitchen
19. Reza Salleh
20. Juwita Suwito

REGIONAL

1. Nidji (Indonesia)
2. Agrikulture (Indonesia)
3. Andra And The Backbone (Indonesia)
4. Sixx (Singapore)

Hold your horses cos there might be more! Apparently, there are a few more acts to be confirmed, namely:

TBC

1. Coldplay
2. Prodigy
3. Lupe Fiasco

Ghost

2009-02-07T03:04:00.002+08:00

You back aren't you?
I think I saw you once awhile
Its just a feeling though
That you are my shadow
My inner ghost and yours
Remember the moonlight shone upon us?
That was our spotlight
to be the star of the night
and how I amazingly can sing Fly me to the moon
at that night without forget any words of it
You even gave me that sweetest smile
I will always remember that moment.
Me, you and Jules were happy weird trio under that moon.
Hey, I will always be that light and you will always be that storm of my life.

Moonstalker and I

Cheery for a cherry

2009-02-02T03:34:00.002+08:00

Cherry girl
You sure are a fine girl

wait what?

Anyway, I'm sure quite cheerful nowadays even though I'm not really comfortable in the state I'm in.

Euphoria Luc... I will be as soon this grieving is over.

cahaya yang terang

2009-01-20T12:49:00.002+08:00

Aku la cahaya
Cahaya yang terang
Amat benderang

Aku la berada disisimu
Tidak kira gelap atau siang
Kerana inilah janjiku
Kepada mu yang ku sayang

Cahaya la namaku
Dengan makna untuk terangkan
hati mu
Kerana itu sahaja aku dapat berikan

Tapi itu sudah berlalu
Aku la cahaya
Yang bukan lagi terang
Malap lagi menyedihkan

Sekian hari..
Kegelapan mendekati ku
Ku bukan lagi berani
Seperti ku yang dulu

Aku bukan lagi
Cahaya yang terang.

What a crappy stuff that I try to wrote... haha
Anyway I've been awesome lately
Eventhough I thought I had to wear my long lost Joker mask
to keep the smile attached
Heh, I dont need those anymore
For I am the light, and that is my name
Luc I am, for I shine brightly
my curse and also my happiness
Shine I shall
To light up everyone's heart
around me
Cause I can. Right Ivy?

Heavily padded armor

2009-01-04T03:48:00.002+08:00

Too much of war made me too conditional which makes me not sure should I be in peace and relax.

So stressed up and no longer carefree. No more those "anything happen, happen".

Should taking off the armor one by one starting with unbuckle up the shoulder pads, then the chest armor, next will the chain armor inside and lastly all those gloves and boots.

Without those armor, I will still be in offensive and defensive mode. And hopefully I will slowly putting down my pride of being on top.

Now, jump off a cliff from the top while floating and reach to the bottom. And wear back the mask of joker once again till the effect of wearing armor is off

Trapped in delusional

2009-01-03T00:51:00.002+08:00

There is a layer wrap my body around it.. a layer of delusional..
a layer of sin. I felt like shouting and scream to the top of my lungs just to feel free from thin entanglement around my body.

To think of it, I'm a man with out love and lose to much in my life.
This leave me broken and being irrational almost about everything.
No longer that happy crappy joker who enjoys make a fool of everything but
being a joker of blood thirsty.

Hatred..anger.. negativity running through my mind..
and I can't even like my name already for I haven't brought any light to anyone and definitely not myself.

Slowly I'm forgetting the meaning of Lucille, a name that was given by flower girl for the name resemble my character and my thoughts. But I haven't being that guy lately..
I lost my way and pretty much blind. With my king of lies attitude, I have been abuse it even though I swear to be careful with it. Now I'm screwed up, for I have to pay for the consequences now.

I can't control my anger even though I hardly get angry to people but I do make them pay in different sort of way. Ah, have to take a step back and revise.

Geez, I haven't use any good skills I pick up in my life. When am I gonna learn?!
Last year incident really screw me up badly. Hei, its last year already even though it is just few days in 2009.

In three months, I've to stay strong for it is an anniversary... first anniversary and Jules won't be around at that time.

hope, I able to be proud with the name Lucille again and also be free from tiring conflicts and crappy dependent on people. and now.. I'm no longer a man that have nothing to lose. Now I sound pathetic.. what a good way of starting this year.

Re-groove.. I always thought that my face can't change no matter how my character changes.. and I was wrong. Compare to now and olden face feature.. Now is pretty fucked up compared to last time. With my eyes keep changing.. it no longer shine as it used to.

and my resolution will remain the same.. death not by my own hands.

Just another year

2009-01-01T00:09:00.003+08:00

I've been spending time with Jules to feel better.
Guess it helps both of us.

Now, a change that need to be made.

Without

2008-12-25T20:51:00.002+08:00

Malacca was awesome and I even did something I'm proud of.
It will be a part of my I, She Then You's story.

I've been thinking a lot today and it always lead back to her.
I've been denying everything.. from my emotion to my decision.
My heart wanted to feel grief. To be in the state of gloom and doom.
but I deny it and be opposite of it until I don't know what else to feel.
I am numbness who need to cry. I'm tired of standing strong.
I'm no longer running to be free but I'm running because I'm scared.
I used to ask why but for what reason? It is the natural way of life.
Everything need to happen no matter how many times I try to avoid it.
I know I'm not alone but I'm so lonely.
Lonely for I will be the only one who know how dreadful to be in this state
to lose someone who you look up to live.
Without you here in this world, I no longer the man I used to be..

Away

2008-12-15T22:42:00.001+08:00

Finals are finally over..
About time for me to be away from this world for a moment.
Rest my mind and continue grief before a new year starts.
and I hope I will fly away.

Khayalan yang membawa kenangan

2008-12-07T13:35:00.002+08:00

Is it time I asked myself..
Is it time to stop..
To stop from seeking..
Seeking the nothingness..
Nothingness from the void..
Void of my heart..
Heart that I used to had.

I know I've been carrying a lot of shits behind my back..
and it starting to wear me out, am so tired of it.
Wish me well eh?

Wake and smell the ashes

2008-11-21T06:18:00.001+08:00

Another day of battle where soldiers have fought through and some have died in it. For those who still walk on this earth continue to march forward knowing there are bloody scene ahead. Prepare to take another bullet and keep moving.

Bintang berkelipan di tapak tangan ku

2008-11-05T22:31:00.002+08:00

That is one of the things I remember from my past.

Anyway, I think my 'water' is contaminated and highly polluted.
Sigh, time to purify it before it unleashes some heavyweight wrath.
Especially to those who've been begging for it.
I don't really mind since I've got nothing to lose.
and pain? I can handle it.

But then..

what about le diable le blanc...?

I barely know your name

2008-10-30T02:20:00.002+08:00

I don't give a shit! I'm going to lock myself up in my room right after my finals exam and start my little project. Naah, maybe i go have some fun.

Countless

2008-10-28T01:37:00.002+08:00

with her gone.. I seriously lost for a moment. What should I believe in now?
Everyday I gotta tolerate with things around me..

I don't mind do it for free peppermint icecream~

it just is

2008-10-22T00:04:00.002+08:00

everybody lies. nobody is a saint. It just is.
Good or bad, it doesn't matter who you are.
In the end, we bleed the same.
Why do we war with each other?
Everybody is heading to the same place.
Nobody is special, nobody is important.
Live and die, its just the same.
Love or hate, we still think of the same person.
Some of us cry and some of us laugh
It just the way we cope our life.

Am too tired

2008-10-17T01:43:00.002+08:00

Im too tired to deal with their nonsense.
drama..drama..drama..
Let me be far away from it.

Busy, I'm so fucking busy

2008-10-13T23:25:00.002+08:00

I'm so bloody busy till I got no time to sit down and meditate to help clear my bloody mind. Assignments and exams at the same time ain't cool!

I need time to sit down and think for a moment which apparently I don't the time for any of that now.

Today's exam, I was literally fucked. Was so busy to study and handle some stupid situation at the same time. Even a good friend of mine is emo with me now I think cause I got no time for no one now.

I can't even blog about GSE yet...

aaaah... continue study, assignments, planning and hopefully I survive through this war.

Dark Knight

2008-10-10T00:52:00.003+08:00

I'm trying to imagine a new story while developing story called "Enigma of September".

Well the new story will set in during the Great War on Kuraga Island which around 500years ago. Its a story about a high rank knight who got tired with the endless war across Kuraga Island which makes her go rebel against her king.

and wonder.

2008-10-05T17:21:00.002+08:00

Slept at 6am last night/morning.
My handphone alarm went off around 12.30pm which I truly appreciates!
For saving me from that horrendous nightmare. My body was weak and my mind was not fully awake. So I sit down on my bed with my eyes close.
Thinking of what to do today.
I felt like meeting someone for lunch but I kinda lazy to make the call.
So I had lunch at KFC nearby my house and after I get back home, I cleaned my car. Vacuum those damn dirty dust!

Now, I'm sitting infront of my computer and wonder.

Play by the rules ok!

2008-10-05T05:39:00.000+08:00

huhuhu ok.

I need a car desperately

2008-10-03T02:45:00.001+08:00

I NEED A CAR! A CAR! A CAR! PLEASE! A CAR PLEASE GODDAMN IT! FIX THE CAR!! I NEED THE CAR!! SO I CAN GO FREAKING ENJOY MY ASS OFF AT GREAT SPY EXPERIMENT's LIVE GIG! WAARGH!

GSE GSE GSE GSE GSE GSE GSE GSE GSE GSE!!!

Love's secret

2008-09-30T01:16:00.003+08:00

I think I'm in love but I wont do anything for I have this destructive side that will ruin everything.
So I'm putting all my emotion and energy to something else.
Which is my studies, listen more music and learn about them, reading, try to write better comics
(I hope so) and practice my sketching from rough to smooth art.

Love misery business took a lot of my time but the stuff I'm focusing into takes MORE AND MORE of my time. Which makes me wonder, where all my time went to?

Geez.. SLOW THE TIME PLEASE!

Subway Sandwich kawan ku

2008-09-23T16:52:00.002+08:00

Sabtu minggu lepas aku makan sandwich 6inch dari Subway untuk berbuka puasa. Gila sedap sial!
Puas yang teramat. Pastu makan lagi 6inch pukul 3pagi camtu.. Fuuh puas~

Malam nanti, akan aku makan Subway Sandwich lagi.. 1foot doh!

Dalam kepala otak aku sekarang aku terbayang-bayang akan olives, cheese, turkey ham, turkey breast, cuka, mustard dan tomato. Rasa yang sungguh sensasi dan best~

Aish, kelemahan aku yang amat jelas untuk ambil hati aku adalah tahu apa aku nak makan pada masa yang betul. Mungkin lepas raya nak makan steambot kut~ hohohoho
Aduh, wallet kering gila sial.. Kan best kalau raya kasi aku profit yang menawan macam semua orang yang sambut raya.

Hampeh, satu lagi alasan kenapa aku tak berapa kisah pasal raya kecuali pasal makanan. Hohohoho pulut dan rendang ayam mak~ mesti Beverly jealous gila nanti.

ooh~ tido jap~

Hidup ini penuh dengan drama palat

2008-09-22T02:12:00.002+08:00

Memang penuh dengan drama palat dalam hidup aku.
Apa nak buat kan?
Tapi aku ada pilihan untuk kurangkan benda benda sial dalam hidup aku.
Antara pilihan aku adalah untuk tidak kisah dengan benda benda yang langsung tak manfaat dan tak memberi aku apa apa faedah. Sebab buang masa je kalau aku ambil kisah kerana akhirnya aku juga yang akan kehilangan dan rasa sial akan diri aku.
Buat apa kan? Pergi mampus la kat dorang~ hehehe

Untuk berasa puas hati dengan hidup aku, aku pilih music, movie, masak, makan, baca buku, berjalan dan semua benda yang buat aku rasa chun yang teramat.
Aku dengar music aku dan aku rasa puas dari aku dengar benda yang buat aku sakit hati dari orang, lagipun bukannya aku kisah pun.

Sekarang, aku buat apa aku nak. Kalau ada orang tak suka, mampus kat dorang. Bukannya dorang bagi aku gembira ke apa pun. Buang masa ada lah~ Kalau ada orang kata music yang aku dengar macam sial pun aku dah tak kisah. Aku yang suka bukan dia pun. Kalau tengok movie chun dan ada orang kata tak, aku peduli apa~
Tapi aku pantang sungguh bila ada orang hina makanan depan aku.

Hidup aku penuh dengan kawan kawan sial tapi lama lama aku pun dah biasa dah. Kalau ada je kawan sial, aku tolak dorang ketepi sebab tak ada masa dah aku untuk dorang semua. Sebab dengan semua masa aku, boleh aku siapkan kerja kerja aku dan masa lebihan tu aku boleh main game kat computer baru aku~ wuhuu~
Untuk kawan kawan yang chun, aku sentiasa bersyukur sebab ada korang.

Hmm, bulan depan dan seterusnya sampai december.. akan aku melanda kesulitan wang.. huhuhu sadis~ palat sungguh!

Oooh, lapar~

The Great Spy Experiment

2008-09-20T21:42:00.003+08:00

Yeap, they coming to town! wuhuuu!! 11october 2008 at mcpa hall.

Click here to check out the event on facebook

My fav song from them will be :

Late Night request.

Oh sorrow
Won’t you flow out?
These tired veins have dried
This tired soul has burned out

Collect her
Bring her back here next to me
‘Cause I need her now
I need her touch so desperately

So go now
Don’t come till the night is done
And I will wait for you
Yeah I will wait for you

Oh distance
Oh why won’t you disappear?
This electric love
Is so tiring and so dear

Collect her
Bring her back here next to me
‘Cause I need her now
Oh yeah I need her now

So go now
Don’t come till the job is done
And I will wait for you
Yeah I will wait for you

(chorus)
Oh won’t you come?
Like before
Oh won’t you go on down?
Yeah you know
Oh won’t you come?
Like before
Oh won’t you stay a while?

Oh sorrow
Won’t you flow out?
These tired veins have dried
This tired soul has burned out

Collect her
Bring her back here next to me
I need her now
Oh yeah I need her now

So go now
Don’t come till the job is done
And I will wait for you
Yeah I will wait for you

(chorus)

Oh won’t you stay a while?

Bertahan la

2008-09-16T20:41:00.002+08:00

Geez, what is wrong with me?
I feel insecure with things nowadays.
Something that may be true and may be not, but I'm afraid both of the outcome.
Hei come on, why do I need this kind of shit?
It hurts a lot. Its like seeing double. The presence is not 100% same but it kinda have the similar radiant.
And why do I smile eventhough it feels like shit?
Aku gila penat dengan benda benda alah camni. Rasa macam hati aku ni kena main-main je. Sekejap kasi harapan, sekejap tarik balik pastu kasi balik. Ingat lawak ke? Ingat aku senyum suka-suka ke?
It is all because I don't want it to get into me..
I don't need this kind of shit anymore.
Sigh.

Ghost of you

2008-09-14T02:45:00.003+08:00

Have you ever dream a girl and one day the girl you dream of is in front of you?

The question is: Is she the same as in your dream?

Heartache

2008-09-11T21:41:00.002+08:00

My mum woke me up this afternoon and tell me to come down and see the car..
So I went down with my head feels slight headache as if I just had a mild hangover.
I stood infront of the car.. Heartache.

Thousand names

2008-09-06T17:23:00.006+08:00

I've been positioned myself on the front line for a cause that I never did and its about time I fight for my own war.

Everyone around me want to be special and to be treated special by me when I look at them all fairly. Since no one is that worth it to be special. Well there are some.. but I choose who got the rights to it. If they can't handle it why should I care in the first place.. I've lost too many friends and permanent lost of a person I cared for. Basically I got nothing to lose and if they can't even respect me... then goodbye.

I got bored with people keep telling me to be myself.. If I actually listen to them.. they probably will have died by now. Well, to make my life easier, I hold back. Sometimes I wonder, why do I keep myself sane in this insane world..

Tears of pain

2008-09-06T02:49:00.004+08:00

Right now..
I'm struggling who shall I be..

I've been thinking that I always try to be nice to everyone.. and in the end I still got hurt.
What am I? Just a bloody substitute?
Here I am, trying to talk and socialize with everyone I met. For what exactly? To waste my time when I can do a lot of better stuff on my own?
It doesn't matter if I'm being nice to anyone or ass to anyone, no one take things seriously.
What am I? A passerby in their so called perfect life? A life that they believe is much better by ignoring the reality of the world? To be afraid to accept the truth, to be afraid to accept the different, to be afraid of being total unique individuality and discover their true potential.
What are we doing here?!

Here we are.. putting a smile on our face when we have bad thoughts about each other..
These pretending that been going since the beginning of time.. JUDAS JUDAS JUDAS, I chanted!
Sometimes there are some of us that understand things much better than one another and try to talk sense to them but fail miserably because no one will listens to them for this kind don't wish to try to understand them. Not till they regretted.

I'm sick sick.. so sick and tired to see the population of this world keep condemning themselves..
When they did something terrible and regret.. they asked why.. I say, you should know why!
They always think they are good person.. but thats what they want to believe without actually realize what have they done..

So I struggle.. to be in pain by having these kind of people who pretend around you when they bitching about you behind your back.. or you listen to them bitching about people just because those other people is not on their bitching side. It hurts me a lot when I'm beginning to be similar like them or when I thought they are the kind of friends that is true. Well I was wrong.

I think I rather spend my time being alone rather than getting involve in their nonsense.. its like politics and drama. I don't wanna give a shit or care about them. Called me weird or whatever for being alone. As long I don't waste my time getting trap in their web of lies.

If I get too lonely, I still have some good people around me to talk to and spend my time with. But I will never waste my time to those never take me seriously and treat me like some substitute in their life. I'm not their sanitary pad.. use and then throw.. NA AH!
I will use this eyes of mine and my instinct to see. And start focusing back on my life cause I can't keep grief for her loss soul..

This is where I don't give a damn about how people look or judge about me cause its not worth to justify about it. I am what I am. They got problem with it.. then live with it cause I'm not gonna change for any of those fools. After all, I am Seulement..

lots of questioning marks in my head

2008-09-04T05:44:00.003+08:00

Reminder..

Didn't I told you to keep low?
Guess I wasn't paying attention to it and was too blind to see the truth
or
I was ignoring the facts of what will going to happen.

Now I have to pay for the consequences. Well it hurts till I opened up my eyes.
Do I age? Do I mature?

The stares, the way how people look at me..
Is it a reminder? To remember back so I don't waste my time for them?
to hate those people who ever gave me that look?
the trust that never seems to exist in the beginning

-Now I completely remember where I got my hatred.
The hatred that she took it away
and its back wrapping my soul.
the blames on the innocent devils must be stop.
with the eyes of damnation has return
I will see!-

huhuhu
what now?
I guess I gotta keep myself balance and use this gift for my own benefits rather than repeating
my past. Had enough of repenting my sins. Gotta gotta push myself up.

I got hook on D&D Tiny Adventure on FB

2008-09-02T01:19:00.004+08:00

Encounter 4: Dungeon

Vendetta's eyes widened as he entered a room to find a beautiful halfling lass sitting dejectedly at a wooden desk. "I'm so bored," she moaned.

Vendetta made a Charisma check with a difficulty of 13 . . . and rolled 18

Vendetta worked his magic (so to speak) on the halfling and a good time was had by all. As thanks for their new friendship, the halfling gave Vendetta a gift.

Vendetta received 88 XP.

Vendetta obtained a Potion of Burnshield!

Charisma check:
	d20:	15
	CHA Bonus:	+3
	Total:	18
	Difficulty:	13

	88 XP

Potion of Burnshield +4 vs. Magic for 6 encounters

My hero is one kinky dude.. a dragonborn fighter getting on with halfling? Holy!

Love and fishing have a lot things in common(5)

2008-08-28T16:00:00.000+08:00

Love is a subjective matter.
One for all and all for one.
Everything around us in this world can relates to love and love itself can relates to the world.

The world I mean is.. the flora and fauna.. the spirits.. non living things too.. everything..

For some example: if I keep a tiger as my pet, I have to keep it in a cage ja. Even I keep feeding the tiger and love it, it doesn't mean its not gonna eat me. What I'm trying to say is, no matter how good or caring you are about a person, you could never expect them will do the same to you.

Well, even a simple analogy can connect the relation of an animal with an expectation.

Then again, what is love really?

Feelings? emotion? or the longing to be accepted by another individual? oh! i got another good one, a person who qualify all your needs. And also sex..

Feelings? The thing that wrap around your body and makes you feel light yet can feel the anxiety overwhelmed your body. Then it slowly makes you feel good like a drug that flow through your vein and you feel things that seems good to be true. And also, those feelings you feel warm which helps you sleep at night.

Emotion? Kinda similar to "feelings?" but you can feel your heart beating whenever you see the person. Sometimes it hurts when the person say something to you and you are sensitive to it. The irrelevant frustration and anger suddenly pop up when sometimes the things got nothing to do with you at all. That explain for the happiness too, being happy for no apparent reason even it doesn't relate to the person you think you like.

Longing? Hell, everybody want to be accepted by somebody and require some acknowledgment of another individuality. Hence "everybody needs somebody" thing.. Dont chu ever want a person accept your own kind individuality by someone else?

Sex? maybe this whole love crappy business is actually to trigger having sex to reproduce eh?
Conspiracy theory that love is just a way of higher power messing around with our life to reproduce and keep the cycle going..

I guess.. Love got damn a lot of types. The unconditional and conditional then it breaks down to more and more types.

My favourite is the unconditional because when you love someone, there is no "maybe, what if, might, or, fluke" and there just no question about it. You just love the person no matter how it is. Kinda like love at first sight. There is no judgment in it. You see the person's inside and that what is all matters. It's beautiful!

Conditional love is the most common thing that always happen among us today. When a dude/dudettes like a person. They start to make the person happy even the person don't have the feeling or anything towards them. Its okay in the beginning then after for so long, the dude/dudettes will start expect something in return. Sometimes it turn out good cos the person may return the affection and sometimes its not, this is when all shitty stuff happen. I personally experience it once and hard to pull myself out when its kinda too late. Then I've been witnessing a lot of people around me got into this mess.
If things doesnt go as you want.. let go~ to force things is ain't natural. Kinda fuckup to love someone who doesn't acknowledge your existence.

Then.. there is a love that people scared of it.. scared to love cause maybe.. maybe the love one day will fade away.. They usually end up being best friend and totally scared to move to a higher level of commitment cause one of them going to think what if he/she is not the one. I mean.. who really really is the one? Nobody decides for it except for ourself who is the one for ourself. Sometimes either the guy or the girl will keep searching for their other half while keeping the person who love them nearby for an insurance purpose I might say. When it is too late.. well, they regret terribly. Padan muka la! hahaha.

and what about my love? well.. I say its undying love..

Heroes

2008-08-19T00:08:00.000+08:00

There are some fictional and real characters that inspire me nonstop.. the ultra nonstopable kind of cool stuff that they did which makes me go WOW! So I felt like listing them, here goes:

Frank Martin in The Transporter.
A helluva dude who can drive any car any time without any problem. He's life is based on his rules that he will never break. He is a good martial art fighter too. The stuff he talk usually are serious stuff but sometimes funny.. Just too bad that he's not much a talker.

Wesley Gibson from WANTED. The film version was kinda cool since James McAvoy is the dude that acted as Wesley. In comic, Wesley was a geek in the beginning like in the movie then instead being cool like McAvoy he wears some kind of suit that cover up whole of his body. Then, Fox is his dad's girlfriend. Still both comic and film, he can takeover the world and write the future! Geez, ain't he cool since he can shoot blindly and the bullet still going to hit what he wanted to hit.

Next is Joker from the DC world. Well, I say he's a genius for a criminal and a sadist bastard which I love him! nyum! Imagine he standing right infront of ye, the blood rushing around as the adrenaline start to pump in.. woaaah.. suh weet!
The 1st image is Heath Ledger as the Joker. While second is the story written by my favourite comic-writer, Alan Moore and it was drawn by Brian Bolland. Check out the second image carefully, you can see that Joker is crying. Well he was crying because this is the first time he saw his mutilated self after that horrible incident which makes him go insane and turn into the Joker we all know.

Kyoya Hibari from Katekyou Hitman Reborn! He is one nasty dude. He loves his school and his town so much that he will beat you to death if you dare to filth the place. His fav line will be "I'll bite you to death". Oh, hes a head school prefect and really really cold blooded dude.

Seth Cohen from The O.C or Adam Brody from Big Japan since both of them are similar anyway.
He's a geek with full of funny sarcastic tunes. He loves Death Cab Cutie and Interpol similar like me. Wohoho! He is a hot geek dude in hollywood! And.. Adam plays drum for his band.

Tyler Durden from Fight Club. His job is to make soap out of human's fat. Yea, yucky! Well, he is one of a guy that create global organization to vent male aggression. He kind of a nutcase sometimes.

Next is Kuroro Lucifer from Hunter X Hunter. A selfless dude in his Phantom Troupe or Ryuseigai. He is the leader in his group and he doesn't really mind if he died cause he thinks that he just a head in the group but the arms and legs is the most important to run the gang. But to kill him ain't easy cause there are 6 original Ryuseigai under him that is uber loyal to him and he is actually a quite opponent with merciless attitude towards his enemy.

Actually there are more.. Onizuka from GTO, Akabane Kurodou from Get Backers, Keyser from the Usual Suspect, Dean and Sam Winchester from Supernatural, Peter Parker from Spiderman, Gokudera from Hitman Reborn.. well.. theres plenty!

Another one bite the dust

2008-08-18T00:46:00.003+08:00

I get annoyed by those people who can't handle the truth.
And I've been wondering why no one tells them anything.
When there is someone do tell.. they won't believe it and hates the person who actually tells the truth.
This time, it happen to a friend of mine and I was actually there agreeing with what he said to another female friend of mine. Since I agreed with my friend, now she hates us both.
Oh well, I don't really need those kind of friend anyway.

Which leads me wondering how the hell I got too many useless friends who doesn't understand the value of friendship suddenly? Geez.

Night like this

2008-08-07T00:26:00.002+08:00

I miss you.

The loneliness caught up with me yet again..

What the tag?!

2008-08-03T22:18:00.003+08:00

1) Are your parents married or divorced?
ok. lol

2) Are you a vegetarian?
Soon to be

3) Do you believe in Heaven?
Hell and heaven, i dont really care much.

4) Have you ever come close to dying?
Hmm.. a lot.

5) What were u doing 8.00 this morning?
Setting up chairs and tables.

6) Favourite time of day?
Good time

7) Do you mind dating someone of the same sex?
I disgusted with males.

8) Do you wear makeup?
If I have to, like when I became an extra for some tv series

9) Ever have plastic surgery?
Boobjob

10) Do you colour your hair?
I like dishevel, thank you

11) What do you wear to bed?
Anything, threadless, topless, shorts and whatever la

12) Have you ever done anything illegal?
d'oh.

13) Can you roll your tongue?
thinks so

14) Do you tweeze your eyebrows?
for nuts a?

15) What kind of sneakers?
Nike and converse

16) What is something you are excited about?
girls? for now is those girls that wear skinny jeans with high cut boots. I have no idea why. My butter and cheese, icecream, monsters, sadist stuff and... hmm.. anything is possible.

17) What is your hair color?
Hijau

18) Do you talk a lot?
Yeap, most of the time I talk to myself.

19) Do you snore?
Yeap. A friend of mine said it sounds like jet turbo. ><>

26) City, beach or country?
erm.. city cos I need movies.

27) What was the last thing you touched?
keyboard

28) Where did you eat last?
Home

29) When’s the last time you cried?
this heart of mine is raining~

30) Do you read blogs?
not really cos its boring.

31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
boleh kut?

32) Is there anyone you like right now?
yea

33) What’s your favourite shampoo conditioner and soap?
nivea and hair & shoulder

34) Do you talk in your sleep?
No idea

35) Are you popular?
incognito

36) Where do you wish you were?
with god

37) Have you rejected someone?
guilty

38) Are you currently depressed?
Grieving i might say

39) Ever met anyone famous?
yea

40) Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?
not really so far. wait what is successful life?

41) Who is the rudest person in your life?
Me!

42) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
Who?

43) Basketball or Football?
AMERICAN FOOTBALL

44) How long do your showers last?
5mins.

45) Automatic or do you drive a stick?
Automatic.

46) Cake or ice cream?
aisu cheesu!

47) Are you self-conscious?
kinda

48) Do you care what people think?

hmm yea, cos im learning to read their mind

49) Have you ever given money to a beggar?
ada

50) Have you been in love?
Yes

LAYER 1 : ON THE OUTSIDE
Name : Lucille
Birth Date : cancer
Current Status : Awesome
Eye Colour : pink
Righty of lefty : righto

LAYER 2 : ON THE INSIDE
My Heritage : Human
My Fears : the unknown and me
My Weaknesses : Ivy, reptiles, and hot mums.
My Perfect Pizza : Mozzarella, Parmesan, Sausage chunks, capsicum, extra olives, probably dried strawberry.

LAYER 3 : YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
My thoughts first waking up : 12 hours?! phuck!
My bedtime : aaah... another 12hours tomorrow?! phuck!
My most missed memory : my high school life

LAYER 4 : MY PICK
Pepsi or Coke : Coca-cola
McDonald or Burger King : The king
Single or grouped dates : single and double
Adidas or Nike : Nike for shoes, Adidas for jumpers
Tea or Nestea : Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla : Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee : Cappuccino

LAYER 5 : DO YOU...
Smoke : Mestila~
Curse : Fuck fuck fuck cibai kia niamahai sei sohai fei hai kanina butoh... yea i guess so.
Take a shower : ALWAYS! morning afternoon teatime evening night midnight
Have a crush : yeap
Think you've been in love : aduh, ye la
Go to school : ....
Want to get married : hahahaha... wad?
Believe in yourself : Yea.

LAYER 6 : IN THE PAST
Alcohol : of cos la, before injection.. the doc will rub some alcohol 1st ma.. sohai!
Gone to the mall : lets see...
Been on stage : Yea.. currently stage 16 in rondo of swords
Eaten sushi : Yes please
Dyed your hair : nupe

LAYER 7 : HAVE YOU EVER
Played a stripping game : Yea.. lose badly.
Changed who you were to fit in : No, I change to reach higher level by adapt their culture by learning and understand it. Still I fuck those bastard that try to change me
LAYER 8 : AGE YOU'RE HOPING...
To be married : Anytime

LAYER 9 : IN A GUY/GIRL...?? Maybe in a lover?
Best eye colour : Blue/green/very shiny black
Best hair colour : Black or white
Short hair or long hair : Now, short
Best height : er... dunno
Attitude : awesome

LAYER10 : WHAT WERE YOU DOING...
A minute ago : huh? listening to music
Hour ago : ate lamb
4.5 hours ago : Chilling with other workers at the place I'm working
1 month ago : Somewhere..
Year ago : Surviving

LAYER 11 : FINISH THE SENTENCES...
I love: bio structural curve and photography

I feel : you~
I hate : manusia
I hide : my sadism
I miss : her
I need : to be needed

LAYER 12 : TAGGING 5 PEOPLE
sapa2 la

High Bullshit Tolerance

2008-08-03T01:27:00.002+08:00

I got hit&miss on almost anything.

One of them is people who don't respect or look down on a person without knowing the person really well. It pissed me off. Usually when I got treated badly, I will most likely straight ignore that person or say "do you mind phuck yourself? and please." or my fav line "phuck off".

But the place where I worked now, I got to have high tolerance and control my rage against those kind of people.

oh! since I didnt wish anything for my birthday, so I wish I can cut/slice them up and get away with it completely. Guilt-free and no authorities after me. If my wish come true. I can only say
SUH WEEEET!

Exhausted

2008-07-30T19:30:00.003+08:00

I'm pretty exhausted after my trip to Penang.
With Kidd gone back to US, I got no reason to play Dota anymore.
Now, gotta rest up this mind of mine for tomorrow.

As usual

2008-07-27T14:38:00.003+08:00

There are people out there slowly pissing me off.
People who just don't understand the meaning of no and yes.
When I say no, it means no dammit! What the fuck they wanna know the explanation behind it.
There is no absolute reason to explain to those dumb fuckos. No means no, kapish?

I should have listen to Jules. As usual, I lost another bet with Jules. LOL.

Tagged, Love me Tender

2008-07-26T17:34:00.004+08:00

(Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.)

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
Any age will do.

2. What is your most favorite thing to do?
Say something horrid just to see them twitch.. hehe nyum
Watch really good movie alone in cinema
Listening to my music

3. What is your favorite bubble tea flavor?
er.. alot?

4. If you have a best friend since childhood who loves to take away whatever you like, including guys/girls, and he/she always wins, will you still consider him/her your friend?
I got no childhood friend. lol, so "if" doesnt imply to me

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
To conquer this world and see it crumble just for fun. Probably everyone in the whole world will start to be one and together against me. I don't mind to die to see them working together instead of hating each other for no reason. Imagine eh.

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
In this world now? not really.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
My love but now its my memories of the flower girl.

8. If you are on a holiday or studying abroad, what is the one thing you wish that could happen to you?
to be remembered by the people around there and learn new recipes~

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to her?
been there.. done that..

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
May
1) Good thing that I don't eat sotong which doesnt give me the temptation of eating her.
2) she never touch my ds..
3) let me use the camera whenever I want. lol?

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
er.. someone who understand and able to tolerate of my crazy behavior. And of course,
love me tender

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
everyone, from a kid to old crappy people

13. What is your ambition?
solving some puzzles, open up my own cafe/bistro/jazz bar.

14. What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad?
nothing. What is bad anyway? or good?

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Beliefs, my own of course.

16. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
the beast

17. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
Juliet

18. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
can't see. Probably, using back my own name and be proud of it at that time

19. Do you shop because you need to or do you shop because you want to?
want to and need to.

20. What is the meaning of your current name?
Luce means Light in italian.

I tagg whoever la.

Is my fate lies on a single thread (4)

2008-07-13T16:02:00.003+08:00

I've been resisting the current flow, rebelling the norm, and searching for answers that everyone afraid to know about. The unknown.

I look back on my past and found that I've resisting the stupid nature vs nurture crap because I'm choosing the way that I wanted to live, choose my own character, my own personality, my own belief, and my own style. These things, I called it groove. After few years, I got used to the groove that I myself weave in.

So far that I'm concern, my groove now.. It's not 100% mine but a mix of Ivy's and dark side of me.
I've been struggling to reinvent my groove that I can truly satisfied with. Somehow, sometimes I lose myself to the madness where all my thoughts are truly sickening.

Still choosing my cards properly before go on with those kind set of groove..